The Paradox of the Immatures
Endless Days

I first noticed how strong your scent is. That scent is irritating at first but as days pass by, I am starting to like it.

After your scent is your posture. That feminine pose always make me want to notice you. At a point, I saw how you sleep and you are just too cute. Sometimes, I just laugh at myself for staring at you.

Then your smile. The lips that curved innocently while trying to suppress your laughter. The set of teeth that adds brightness to your happy face.

Your eyes compliments every emotion you show. It smiles while you are smile. It stays quiet when you are annoyed. It hides when you are amazed about something.

Bu that is just the physical form of you. There is more I want to know.

Then, something happened. 

Deteriorating

I am at the balcony, waiting for someone but my body’s dying. I do not know how much time I have left but I’ll just wait.

I have already lost my liver and the half of my heart yet I am struggling to be alive. My stomach’s damaged and my head is going to burst. The next target will probably my lungs. I started to breathe heavy but I can still wait.

I am done cleaning my place and yet the person I am waiting is not yet around. I contacted that person many times and still no reply. No messages or calls. No letters or words.

And then, I realized. Why am I staring at my place like a passer by? Why am I watching myself sleeping at the balcony? And the thought that my visitor arrived. The visitor’s name is death.

Aloha

I always dream of having a special person who cares and listens and irritates me whenever I am not saying what the real me wants to say. I always remind myself that I will never find such girl.

One of my hobbies is collecting stories from different persons. Any genre as long as it entertain me. One day, boredom attacked me so I asked a random person in one of my subjects. Randomly, I approached a pretty normal girl. I never thought that a day would come where I will make a conversation with a girl that is not interesting.

"Aloha." I said along with an introduction of myself. I asked her about the class - assignments, next lesson, etc. After such interaction, I asked her if she wanted to accompany me after class. She agreed.

After the class, I sent my friends a message that I won’t be going with them that night. After that, the Lenneth and I had a conversation ranging from academic stuff to a little bit of personal experiences while eating dinner. She has a very sad past. We exchanged numbers and since then, we sent each other messages on a regular basis.

Two years had past and I am sure of my feeling to Lenneth. I encouraged myself to confess my feelings. We realized that we enrolled in the same class and the classroom was the same room when we first had our conversation. The first day of classes, I confessed and she rejected me.

I succeeded in convincing myself not to be bothered by such things and when vacation started, I allowed myself to slack a little bit and chill. Then, tears running and I cannot stop crying. I decided to talk to her and she agreed.

We talked about the fun times we had and about our current situation. She smiled a bit then said to me that she can never love me romantically and only as a friend. But things gone wrong and it’s all my fault. After that, I said to her, “Aloha…”

The Trio Behind

"Yes Charle, I am the one responsible. Now that you know, any questions before I delete you from this world?" Wasro said in a villainous fashion.

"I have only one question. Where are Presch and Xack?" I asked.

"If you want to know, then I’ll show you." he replied. Then, the unspeakable happened. Wasro, a depressed gothic elf suddenly transformed into Xack, the very serious druid. "Hello Charle, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to trick you. Do you want me to explain before the ‘other one’ will kill you?"

I am completely out of words but I managed to find two that enlightened me before I escaped. “Yes, please.” Then Xack ripped himself into two, revealing Presch, my precious lover.

"My dear Charle, I am sorry. I love you very much. Without delaying your suffering, I shall start the story. Romaterra is the place where everything started. Under the bridge going to Romaterra, the original persona, Xack was disturbed by people trying to burn him down. Naturally, he striked all of the things around him and being not able to supress the aftermath, he created the crying elf based on the elf who created him.

Creating Wasro was a mistake so he tried to make another by studying human culture. He the create a third persona which is me, Presch. After some thought, he said to me in the his mind that he and Wasro will be the dormant personas and will only come out if certain rule is applied. Regardless of the rules, Wasro tried his best to dominate the body but he always failed. Leaving the body was Wasro’s another choice and he learned that in order to do such thing, he should kill the one I love the most. Eliminating you was his idea and I kinda want to remove him from this body so I agreed but a large part of me says that you should leave.

If you listen to my story and remembered our pretty little game, then do it.” Presch said and thanks to him, I restored some of my energy.

"Thank you Res." I said and immediately run while Presch keep Wasro busy inside Xack’s mind. "And I love you very much."

The End

Yes, this is the time when I say goodbye to years of false hope with Stella. But lies beyond that, what will happen to me? What will I do? In the end, does that really matter?

After a month of contemplating what happened, I realize that this is for the best - never to be with her again. I thought I could easily forget her but it seems that every song in my devices always reminds me of how precious Stella is to me. I regret rejoicing. I regret not trying to do a thing.

At some points, I pushed my luck in making things better. Or even trying to fixed what I have damaged. But she did not budge. I keep telling myself “Stop your delusions, there will be never you and Stella.” I did try to convince myself but being me, everything can be in ruins.

Stories still lingers about how I manage to keep my sanity and her responses to me. There is still another year of Valentines, a chance if I am mature, and even times when the stories are just between us. Sometimes, she says “Chester, please don’t say that obvious lie.” every time I am telling her she is beautiful.

I never thought that I am rationalizing my feelings and yet that is not enough. My ways are never enough because in the end, I am not a worthy person to be with her.